Sara Jin Li

content warning // SA, CSA

a decade ago, a photography project changed my life. i could not have imagined how exposing a wound to the world would lead me to where i am now—or that i'd ever want to revisit the most painful parts of my life.

i've written dozens of variations of this essay, but none of them ever felt right. i didn't know if i'd ever reach a point in my life where i'd be able to talk about project consent, and what led to it, unflinchingly. and i didn't, really. but this time, i wrote for me.

i am a fundamentally different person than i was in 2016 and the circumstances of my life have changed from what they were then (or even a year ago). i am healthier, i am softer, i am accountable, i am no longer running away from myself in the pursuit of what i used to think 'strong' meant.

this essay was selected to be part of @ipasorg's RESIST & PERSIST series & i'm deeply honored that 'What Doesn't Kill You' is the bookend to such a powerful collection. you can read it on their website, along with many other moving stories.

and...

it's also one of the essays that will be in my sophomore book: THIS HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING.

my second book, a collection of essays, is heavily influenced by the works of cheryl strayed, maggie nelson, david hockney, patti smith, jeanette winterson, noah kahan, and richard siken. it’s for every single person who’s ever held up a mirror—at themselves and the world—and didn’t understand what they were looking at.

this story, and what it reflects, is part of me. but it will not be my whole life.

thank you to everyone (my editors, friends, and the barista at elsewhere espresso) who has been so kind to me in the weeks leading up to the publication of this story. i've been nerve wrecked, but mostly, i feel a lot of acceptance and relief.

i'm excited to share more in due time, but until then... all my love and gratitude.

🍋